Trust in God still, trust in me (Jn 14:1) even in my struggle.

Im having a tough year so far. I live in hope that it improves. There have been a number of canon-shot body blows personally and in ministry. Sometimes I struggle to put this all together. I believe this has helped me learn that my own priestly arrogance can isolate myself as priest from the struggles of others and even from myself. I have learned a lot and thank all those involved – even if I wouldn’t immediately thank you by instinct… Instinct sometimes lets you down.
Before you think this is a pity party, I want to write abut the two movements that have saved me from becoming a lunatic and institutionalized.
Firstly, prayer. For the last 18months, I’ve made an effort to have tea with the Lord every morning. I read somewhere that this was a holy hour by choice. It is not easy – I am not a morning person and the Lord gets the raw, naked me… Pre coffee. Not pretty.
I have learned again to listen. I’ve also learned that Our Lord is a listener, but not a quick responder. Hmm. I wish I could learn from that. I suppose I have. Hence today’s title – trust still. Some of the issues that I have been through this year only make sense in prayer… And will only see resolution in the Lord’s time. I don’t like the idea of not having a quick resolution, but my faith means that it is not in my time.
I think that prayer is companionship – being able to be in the raw with God and allowing God to be raw with you. I have cried, shouted and laughed aloud in prayer, not just contemplation but in friendship. Prayer has become a lifeline.
Yesterday, some friends noticed that the struggle has become tough to mask. This is the second crutch that I have used, not masks, but friends. If they notice, I must admit I cannot hide this struggle anymore.
Friends come in different levels. Some like explosions -sound heat light quick gone. Some like a slow steady burn that warms gently and might not be a bright light, but a steady light. Gentle presence.
It is this slow steady friendship that marks God’s touch in our live, the touch through trust, presence and simple angel-touches like hearing a piece of music and tying it to your prayer.
I live in hope, I live in simple trust that the struggle is not to be avoided but to be embraced with the knowledge of companionship.


About sharpspear

Random musings of a Catholic Priest at the bottom end of africa. Media curious. Lover of music. not sure they even represent my views, nevermind the views of others.
This entry was posted in it's my life, Prayer, Priesthood and tagged , , , , , , , . Bookmark the permalink.

One Response to Trust in God still, trust in me (Jn 14:1) even in my struggle.

  1. Anthony B says:

    Hang in there Father – you are not alone! Proud to be your charismatic friend!

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